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| Justin:
I still miss Justin being around so much. I continue
to be happy that he found love, but selfishly wish he still lived here
with me. He really brought this place to life and I took him for
granted too often. I regret that. He is such a great person. | | |
| Hey Jess thanks for what you said. I'm feeling a little better about things. I have a lot of fears and paranoia because I've never been in a relationship that ever ever worked in any way. I've been in a lot where the person really didn't like me or didn't as much as they thought...this is different by far but sometimes I just get worried it's not. Anyway, yesterday turned out to be really good because I told Justin how I felt and he talked to some guy on facethejury.com who had a bf who had the same issue he was having and I guess he understood a little bit more where I was coming from because of that and it turned out to be a great day...PLUS I talked to this super rich guy about landscaping his house and he's wanting like probably $20,000 worth of work done. It could be really great and maybe I could pay off some of this debt I have. If I do get the job though I'll have to figure in about $5000 for Deep Woods Off because I got swarmed while I was on his property. Oh and while Justin and I were taking measurements the guys daughter came out and backed her Explorer into her dad's BMW conv. and crunched it. We pretended we didn't notice since we were pretty far away. It was a trip though :). | | |
| Well I'm really bad about posting on here lately but I've been super busy which is a good thing. Brian says he wants to start working out with me and Justin. That might be a very good thing since Justin and I can talk ourselves out of or get too busy for workouts.
I'm more than a little afraid that Justin and I are going to end up just being friends. I think he's lost interest in me in some ways and then he chalks it up to his DID and that it's 'just the way he is' and that he'd be this way with anyone. I don't know. Being wanted on certain levels at least occasionally is a requirement for a romantic relationship. At least that's what I thought. But then the message I get is I'm not loving him for who he is if I don't just accept things for what they are. Again, I don't know. I wish Justin could remember all of his past and deal with it. I feel like that might fix things but maybe they wouldn't. Again, I really don't know anything...except that Justin is a great friend and partner and I really want to spend my life with him.
Well today is a landscaping job, maybe 3 or 4 hours, watering the greenhouse (hey the irrigation system I installed works!, yay!), maybe hopefully a workout and a run and then laundry, yuck.
If anyone's actually reading this, peace, love and happiness to you and the people in your life...oh and Brian I'd make sure your mom goes to A.A. at least until she's got some long term sobriety but that's great that you're actually able to talk with her and with your brother about it. Keep communicating and offer maybe to go to a meeting with her occasionally. Maybe you can do an AA meeting together one week and a PFLAG the next and really support each other in that way. | | |
| Well life is really hectic right now. It's taking all my time trying to get work. I've only really gotten one job but I've bid three and I know the two I didn't get weren't worth having. I bid on another one today that would be worth having and could potentially turn into a lot of $$$. Justin's helping me a lot working at the greenhouse. I hate having to leave him out there alone though but he's got plenty of water and a phone and I always end up picking him up early because it's so damn hot out there. So I haven't written much lately but there hasn't been anything too interesting happening... | | |
| Well my bf Justin has some awesome friends. Yesterday was his birthday and they had a party for him that he really enjoyed.
ALSO, yesterday was the day that the Federal Marriage Amendment (that defines marriage as a union between one man and one woman) was defeated in the Senate. Hope that's some kind of omen 
God I love Justin. | | |
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